Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
