So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
