What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize