Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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