Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
