Porn is love you can see.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
