My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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