i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
