i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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