If that was your dad, he is hot
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
