I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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