You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
