i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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