life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The air taste purple.
Randomize
