one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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