Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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