I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
