based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
