I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
