im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
