He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
