She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
