my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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