Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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