Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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