you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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