some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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