Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ttyl tear gas
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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