in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize