Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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