I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
