I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
