you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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