Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
