3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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