We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
