i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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