don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
