I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
