My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize