my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
