I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
