I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
