you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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