My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize