There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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