Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
