FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
