So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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