just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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