wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
