The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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