I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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