worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
