I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
