plz talk dirty to me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize