If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
