i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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