I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
third nipple confirmed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
