He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
