Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
