you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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