..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
