New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
