and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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