Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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