Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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