Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
