Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
