have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
