Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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