A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
