Screwed.edu
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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