Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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