dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
