Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
