Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
