I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He better not be in your backpack
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
