just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
