Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
