Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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