capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You can't just leave with hair like that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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