i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
