The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
