Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
