I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
