Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
