The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
