Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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