Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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