i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My vagina just clenched in fear
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