My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
