if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
