I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
