i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
