The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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