We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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