Just cropdusted the office
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
