its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
