can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
