Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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