The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
