You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
